i'm so transparent, i disappear.

i am surprised that i have remembered to breathe. this insomnia has been making my memory flaws even more prominent. there are few feelings worse than knowing you lost something. or, better yet, that you've placed something somewhere, so that you wouldn't forget it, and then you do forget. i guess life is just 'funny' like that sometimes.

i've had this incredible urge to read, but every time i pick up a book
and flip to a page, i can't read it. too many words, requires too much
concentration, failure failure failure. i couldn't even read my
chemistry test today. i ended up just making patterns on the scantron.
good thing i've given up on grades, or else that would be
disappointing.

i've finally gotten things straightened out with the ebay situation. i
should have my ipod (that was purchased over a month ago), next week.
maybe a constant access to music will lighten my mood. i've been awful
gloomy lately.

here's to hoping that my writers block, insomnia, frustration and
exhaustion won't last much longer. school lets out in eight days. such a
bitter sweet realization.

p.s. i have realized this week that i am not a moronic imbecile when it
comes to mathematics. after barely passing all year, i went to the two
other algebra 2 teachers and asked if they could re-explain the chaos
that my teacher has been teaching us. i made a 92 on the test. i have
come to the conclusion that i need to stop relying on others so
persistently, even if it is someone that i'm supposed to, such as a
teacher. you can never be too careful.

p.p.s. if you feel like dancing to some sweet ass japanese music, check
out darkwave surfer by aural vampire.

<3