thank you, stranger, for your therapeutic smile

not a lot has been happening. or, at least, nothing exciting. i've still been feeling pretty damn shitty. i sleep so much that it's sickening, and i can't help it. i can't stay awake longer than 5 hours. i've been informed that it's possibly a lack of protein. i have yet to decide if i agree with this or not. i don't think i do. however, today we did go to the store and i now have an entire section of the cabinet dedicated to vegetarian foods :) wooo. how exciting my life is.

today was my last day at klein oak. indescribable. completely surreal. i don't think it's processed in my mind yet, that i'll never go back there. i don't think that my mind is ready to accept that the best thing in my life is part of my life no more. this affects me so much more than anyone will ever know, or begin to understand.

summer has officially started. my plans? lay around miserably, miss my friends, and get a job that i don't want. why am i getting a job that i don't want? because i'm seventeen years old, almost eighteen, and my father won't even let me choose where i work.

i may get to go to alabama to see my family and my best friend before she leaves for college, but again, my dad probably isn't going to let me. even if i pay for it.

i was supposed to spend half of the summer in chicago, but my dad won't let me. spending time with people that i care about, that care about me, is 'unnecessary'.

i've been dying to move in with my sister angie in august so that i can go to klein oak one more year. one more year, my senior year, so that i won't have to start all over again, for the fourth time. my dad's sadistic ways won't even begin to allow it.

i wanted to see a movie with my best friends, as a final goodbye, but my dad wouldn't let me. driving 10 miles is just such a fucking inconvenience for him.

so, who's seen the pattern?

i just always feel so miserable at home. getting yelled at gets so old after a while. especially when you don't deserve it. klein oak... it was my only escape. the only time i ever, truly, felt happy and at home. and it's gone. forever is such a long time. it's starting to sink in.i hate this constant lost feeling. is moving always this hard? it's never felt this horrible before, not in my experiences. i've never felt this hopeless before. am i ever going to find my way?

<3